Monday, February 19, 2007

Big Bellied Mama, a Parking Ticket and Books


Okay. It’s official. At 24 weeks, my feet have disappeared. That’s right folks, you read it right. Now when I look down all I see is a mound of belly and nothing else. Not a very fetching sight but hey, I’m pregnant so it’s allowed! I guess from now on it’s hairy legs, slip on shoes and unvarnished toenails until sometime during the middle of June or thereabouts.

There are three things that become very awkward to do when your belly gets to this stage:

1. Scrubbing your feet in the shower. I got myself a huge natural sponge to get around this little problem. I soap it up, throw it down in the bath tub and vigorously wipe my feet on it to get them clean. Ingenious, huh?

2. Bending over to pick things off the floor becomes a near impossibility. I have now become quite adept at picking things up with my toes.

3. You can’t do your shoe laces up anymore so footwear now consists of slippers, loafers or comfy Birkenstocks. All trainers and edgy plimsolls have been relegated to that back of the wardrobe until after the birth.

Then of course, you develop that odd waddling walk that all pregnant women seem to have. You know the one – it closely resembles the walk of a duck.

A few advantages of being big bellied though is that you get a lot of smiles off strangers. True most smiles can be interpreted to mean ‘Aww, you poor thing. Blither knock you up again?’ but they are smiles nevertheless. You also get more offers of help/assistance. This, however, depends on what city you live in though so don’t expect anyone to give up their place for you on the London Underground.

Knowing that these advantages are not going to last forever I am revelling in them for now because after baby comes, I know things will change with the positive attention turning to negative attention when all you start getting from strangers are dirty looks when your baby decides to start screaming its head off in the train/bus/library/restaurant/shopping mall etc. Also be prepared to get dirty looks when you whip out your boob to breastfeed in public. Now why is it that people here are so uncomfortable and/or offended when a woman breast feeds in public? Hey, I’ve got news for you people who get offended – THAT’S WHAT BOOBS ARE FOR!! – to provide nourishment for your offspring. Any other sort of nourishment or comfort they may offer is purely secondary. I tell you women, once you’ve breast fed a baby, you’ll never look at your boobs in the same way again. Trust me. Anyway, I have decided to be good this time and I have bought myself a lovely, large scarf for the 'cover up' should I ever have to breast feed outside the confinements of my four walls.

Moving on swiftly…

Got behind the wheel of my car on Thursday after work only to see the dreaded yellow and black striped plastic wallet of a parking ticket peeking out from underneath my windscreen wiper. Letting out an expletive ( okay, okay, several expletives) I struggled out of my seat to retrieve it. I was being fined for overstaying the parking limit of 3 hours. How much? £60!!! But if I paid within 14 days I’d only have to pay £30. Several more expletives were let out. I was parked right in front of my office building for chrissakes!! Okay, granted there was a sign up stating clearly that this was a 3 hour parking zone only BUT the council had never been back to check and enforce this rule since the sign was put up almost 8 months ago!!!!!!!!!! Realising I wouldn’t have a leg to stand on should I try and contest the ticket, I meekly picked up the phone the next day and paid my £30 fine. Everyday for the thief one day for the owner of the house, abi. However, I must confess that I felt a stab of joy when I discovered that I wasn’t the only one who got ticket on the day. Hehehe – wicked woman eh?

My copy of Helon Habila’s new book Measuring time landed on my doormat over the weekend and I am looking forward to starting it. As mentioned before, I am reading Ben Okri’s Dangerous Love but I am finding it a bit of a struggle. I am hoping it will pick up soon. Then I still have Iwela’s Beasts of No Nation waiting in the wings as well – so lots to read but where's the time?

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13 Comments:

Blogger Shola said...

first for the first time!!!!!!!!

2:33 pm  
Blogger Ms. May said...

LOL....at the hairy legs. I've always wondered how the "stars" manage to wear heels and look so posh when they're pregnant.

I'm reading "Beasts..." right now and it's a fairly quick read. Very poignant too.

5:08 pm  
Blogger Uzo said...

I love this post. Its funny, its cute and its so real. Ehm...Does your husband mind about the hair legs and stuff? LOL

6:22 pm  
Blogger 9ja Opeke said...

You make being pregnant and a mother a beautiful thing...I guess I will get there one day, and I'd like to do the same...by the grace of God. Just keep filling us in with every stage. Your blog is really interesting...I always look forward to reading it even if I don't comment on it.

9:07 pm  
Blogger Lee said...

Aaaww.. the joy of motherhood..
Yeap.. we'll be there one day..:)

6:10 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I so much enjoy reading your blogs, you sound like good fun, always looking at the funny side of every situation......
Modupe

8:20 am  
Blogger Toks- Boy said...

PTS - with all this foot action, after the baby is born will you consider signing for Birmingham City football club. God knows they need help.

8:13 pm  
Blogger Fred said...

PTS: You know what they say ... if it walks like a duck ...

I've always loved pregnant women for some reason. Do you remember a Bini story about an Oba who was impeached because he ordered the killing of a pregnant woman? One of the more interesting of the Bini tales. There are so many ... sigh ... I wish I remembered half of them, they'd make pretty good book!

Sorry about the parking ticket.

6:24 am  
Blogger Olawunmi said...

i think you should put a sign on your car along the lines of "Car Belongs to Heavily Pregnant Mother Who Will Be Back Shortly, PLease Give a Ticket if You're a Heartless Demon"

that should fix them.

sorry about the ticket.

3:04 pm  
Blogger uknaija said...

On the breastfeeding thing I have been meaning to blog about it- they are happy to display page 3 girls and have girls walking about skimpily dressed but when a woman wants to breastfeed they suddenly can't look the breast in the face- as my friend would say- mtchew nonsense upon ingredients

4:55 pm  
Blogger Pilgrimage to Self said...

@olawunmi: Ah, just my kind of man. Wish you were there with me on the day.

@UKnaija: EXACTLY!! I've never got that. Dem no no wetin dey worry dem.

6:23 pm  
Blogger In my head and around me said...

Hey you! more than halfway there.

First your waist then your legs. tut, tut. These little people really do what they want don't they?

When the baby comes, I will loan you the picture on the sidebar of my blog. The one about really really wanting to synch with my daughter for 10 hours of interrupted sleep.

'Cos of course that's the next thing to go.

11:25 am  
Blogger Pilgrimage to Self said...

@ in your head and around: Thanks (for the anticipated loan). :)

3:33 pm  

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