Big Bellied Mama, a Parking Ticket and Books

Okay. It’s official. At 24 weeks, my feet have disappeared. That’s right folks, you read it right. Now when I look down all I see is a mound of belly and nothing else. Not a very fetching sight but hey, I’m pregnant so it’s allowed! I guess from now on it’s hairy legs, slip on shoes and unvarnished toenails until sometime during the middle of June or thereabouts.

There are three things that become very awkward to do when your belly gets to this stage:

1. Scrubbing your feet in the shower. I got myself a huge natural sponge to get around this little problem. I soap it up, throw it down in the bath tub and vigorously wipe my feet on it to get them clean. Ingenious, huh?

2. Bending over to pick things off the floor becomes a near impossibility. I have now become quite adept at picking things up with my toes.

3. You can’t do your shoe laces up anymore so footwear now consists of slippers, loafers or comfy Birkenstocks. All trainers and edgy plimsolls have been relegated to that back of the wardrobe until after the birth.

Then of course, you develop that odd waddling walk that all pregnant women seem to have. You know the one – it closely resembles the walk of a duck.

A few advantages of being big bellied though is that you get a lot of smiles off strangers. True most smiles can be interpreted to mean ‘Aww, you poor thing. Blither knock you up again?’ but they are smiles nevertheless. You also get more offers of help/assistance. This, however, depends on what city you live in though so don’t expect anyone to give up their place for you on the London Underground.

Knowing that these advantages are not going to last forever I am revelling in them for now because after baby comes, I know things will change with the positive attention turning to negative attention when all you start getting from strangers are dirty looks when your baby decides to start screaming its head off in the train/bus/library/restaurant/shopping mall etc. Also be prepared to get dirty looks when you whip out your boob to breastfeed in public. Now why is it that people here are so uncomfortable and/or offended when a woman breast feeds in public? Hey, I’ve got news for you people who get offended – THAT’S WHAT BOOBS ARE FOR!! – to provide nourishment for your offspring. Any other sort of nourishment or comfort they may offer is purely secondary. I tell you women, once you’ve breast fed a baby, you’ll never look at your boobs in the same way again. Trust me. Anyway, I have decided to be good this time and I have bought myself a lovely, large scarf for the 'cover up' should I ever have to breast feed outside the confinements of my four walls.

Moving on swiftly…

Got behind the wheel of my car on Thursday after work only to see the dreaded yellow and black striped plastic wallet of a parking ticket peeking out from underneath my windscreen wiper. Letting out an expletive ( okay, okay, several expletives) I struggled out of my seat to retrieve it. I was being fined for overstaying the parking limit of 3 hours. How much? £60!!! But if I paid within 14 days I’d only have to pay £30. Several more expletives were let out. I was parked right in front of my office building for chrissakes!! Okay, granted there was a sign up stating clearly that this was a 3 hour parking zone only BUT the council had never been back to check and enforce this rule since the sign was put up almost 8 months ago!!!!!!!!!! Realising I wouldn’t have a leg to stand on should I try and contest the ticket, I meekly picked up the phone the next day and paid my £30 fine. Everyday for the thief one day for the owner of the house, abi. However, I must confess that I felt a stab of joy when I discovered that I wasn’t the only one who got ticket on the day. Hehehe – wicked woman eh?

My copy of Helon Habila’s new book Measuring time landed on my doormat over the weekend and I am looking forward to starting it. As mentioned before, I am reading Ben Okri’s Dangerous Love but I am finding it a bit of a struggle. I am hoping it will pick up soon. Then I still have Iwela’s Beasts of No Nation waiting in the wings as well – so lots to read but where's the time?