Pre-baby Blues

I have been feeling down lately and it’s one of those feelings that I can’t really put my finger on. I went through a phase like this when I was pregnant with my first child and I thought that the second time around I would escape it but no such luck.

I felt quite sorry for my hubby yesterday when he asked what the matter was and I just burst into tears. He was totally at a loss for what to do so he just let me cry.

I don’t know what the matter is. I am plagued with guilt at the moment. Thoughts of … I’m not a good mother, I yell too much, I am not patient enough with my daughter, I let her watch too much TV, I don’t do enough with her and so on. Much of this is not strictly true but I still feel guilty about it. Then I am plagued with the way I look and feel – I am huge, I waddle, I am uncomfortable, I suffer from heartburn, I have to wee every 10 minutes, I feel clumsy, I miss wearing nice clothes, I am growing to hate my maternity jeans because I wear them all the time and on and on and on. Stuff that a week from today won’t matter in the least but which right now, my mind is occupied with.

All I want to do is just put my feet up and stay in bed but having a four year old and a husband working weekends, doing that is wishful thinking. It’s unbelievable just how demanding a four year old can be. They constantly want something or want to be doing something and guess who the first person they pester for all their wants is? Yep, MAMA!! And here is where I miss home – the network of family and nanny’s who can take your child off your hands for a few hours so you can relax.

I am not one to moan but I really feel down in the dumps at the moment.