Sunday, March 11, 2007

Pre-baby Blues

I have been feeling down lately and it’s one of those feelings that I can’t really put my finger on. I went through a phase like this when I was pregnant with my first child and I thought that the second time around I would escape it but no such luck.

I felt quite sorry for my hubby yesterday when he asked what the matter was and I just burst into tears. He was totally at a loss for what to do so he just let me cry.

I don’t know what the matter is. I am plagued with guilt at the moment. Thoughts of … I’m not a good mother, I yell too much, I am not patient enough with my daughter, I let her watch too much TV, I don’t do enough with her and so on. Much of this is not strictly true but I still feel guilty about it. Then I am plagued with the way I look and feel – I am huge, I waddle, I am uncomfortable, I suffer from heartburn, I have to wee every 10 minutes, I feel clumsy, I miss wearing nice clothes, I am growing to hate my maternity jeans because I wear them all the time and on and on and on. Stuff that a week from today won’t matter in the least but which right now, my mind is occupied with.

All I want to do is just put my feet up and stay in bed but having a four year old and a husband working weekends, doing that is wishful thinking. It’s unbelievable just how demanding a four year old can be. They constantly want something or want to be doing something and guess who the first person they pester for all their wants is? Yep, MAMA!! And here is where I miss home – the network of family and nanny’s who can take your child off your hands for a few hours so you can relax.

I am not one to moan but I really feel down in the dumps at the moment.



Anonymous lovelyflower said...

aaw cheer up; I'm not even expecting but it's the same story. Sometimes I feel so down myself, even though I do know deep down that I am doing a great job as a mother. Don't be too hard on yourself, I just don't know what else can be said. Reading your blogs, you seem like a really strong person. Hang in there galfriend!!

12:12 pm  
Anonymous T-man said...

The title sound just right and your view of the situation is just perfect. I know being pregnant can be overwhelming but you have a good spirit and you are handling the who experience perfectly well i.e. not trying to hide how you feel.

I can easily assume you have access to the type of resources that are helpful to you at this time and I pray for God's continuous touch of comfort upon you.

I frequent your blog alot but I felt compelled to leave a note today. Get motivated and remember you have many reasons to be joyful and thankful. You gonna be fine, that is assured.

2:51 pm  
Blogger Devra said...

Guilt is normal. Freaking out about the second kid, also normal. Eventually you will find your groove and feel less angst, but in the meantime, what about creating a weekend on a weekday when your husband is home. Talk to your husband, let him know what you need, he cared enough to ask what the matter was, so let him help you out and give him a road map of how to do that. It will make both of you feel better!
Aviva and I have a goal to absolve guilt...One mommy (or Daddy!) at a time. Today it was you!

4:26 pm  
Blogger Kemi said...

Guilt is a four letter word. Lopes ate crisps for breakfast, I am sure I shouted a lot and I did have a cry this afternoon. I just felt like putting all around me on pause while I chilled.

I will not say I know how you feel, but believe me when i say, no matter how bad your misgivings are, your daughter thinks you are the best mum ever. Hang in there. In my grandaddies words "And this too shall pass" Sending you hugs and cuddles. The title of the blog I was going to publish today was Stop the world, I want to get off. Never finished typing it.

7:46 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This too shall pass....

4:05 am  
Blogger Toks- Boy said...

PTS - please cheer up. Life can be overwhelming even without kids. But I know how you feel being that I have a 4 and 5 year old. We are lucky if they want to do the same thing at the same time. This is another reason I am rushing them home so that they can find their square root as we like to say. One day at a time and as someone else has said this too shall pass. Might be worth hubby giving you a day to yourself (not easy I know if he works weekends but worth it). You are one of the cheerful ones we look up to so when you are down it brings us down as well. So cheer up oh abeg.

1:45 pm  
Blogger Jola Naibi said...

Hey...I am giving you a virtual are a great wife and mom and I wish I had some remedy to help you feel better...but having been there myself, I know it can only come from you...a good book, a good movie, a visit from an old friend who takes you back and makes you laugh...whatever it is...I hope you feel lifted soon. Belly pats

2:05 pm  
Blogger ijeoma obu iheoma said...

awwww... i can only imagine what you are going through.and .i wish you all the best..

2:07 pm  
Anonymous Rombo said...

(((((hugs!!!))))) So sorry you're feeling blue. May the sun come out today.


4:27 pm  
Blogger Pilgrimage to Self said...

Awww, thanks for all the kind words and virtual hugs. I'm feeling better already. *sniff, sniff* :)

6:23 pm  
Blogger Jaycee said...

awwwww mennn...u're scaring me naw! Don't worry u look cute with ur big tummy (hope u know some artists really think pregnancy is a work of art, especially in the area of photography)...take pictures of ur cute round tummy!

ps: don't worry abt hubby, I'm sure he understands its not u and its just a

1:18 am  
Blogger Fred said...

N'do or is it C'or? :-)

1:34 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Mama,
It will be okay. Lets blame it on the hormones, the mere fact you are feeling quilty means you are doing great, remember you have been a great mother so far, wonderful wife, and motivator to people like me that read your blog. Don't worry these not so good feelings will leave you soon. I really feel you because I have been feeling like you did for the past couple of weeks and this weekend I felt better, so cheer up and enjoy your hubby taking care of you and the cute little things your girl does. Take care and hang in there.

6:29 pm  
Blogger Noni Moss said...

Hey. Pele oh. Hope you're feeling better. It sounds like your hormones were going all over the place.

Maybe you should think of investing in an au pair or nanny for at least while you're pregnant so you dont get run down soo much?

1:48 pm  
Blogger Omara said...


12:12 am  
Blogger Nyemoni said...

Pele dear, I know the feeling, the one I hated the most was the post-natal depression... Nice to know you have a supportive hubby...Just try to keep your mind active... Take care and stay blessed!

9:55 am  
Blogger uknaija said...

Aww...hope you're feeling chirpier

11:47 am  
Blogger Adunni said...

Hey mommy hope you're feeling a lot better.

11:34 am  
Blogger adefunke said...

aww, hugs!!!!!!

4:35 pm  
Blogger Omara said...

I had this same loony try to post on my blog but I have owner moderation switched on even though I could preview his comment, he was not able to post it. Please delete his comment and deny him your blog space as a platform for his deranged rantings.

Thanks for your comments!

8:37 pm  
Blogger Pilgrimage to Self said...

@Omara: this is about the fourth time he has left this looney comment on my blog. To be honest I have only ever read the first sentence so I don't even have a clue what he is raving on about. But yeah, I am going to delete the comment straightaway.

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