Thursday, November 23, 2006

On Feeling Better, Being Single and the Reading Bug

For the first time in about 7 weeks I am actually beginning to feel like a human being again. The last few weeks have been really rough, as you all already know, so I am hoping I am coming to the end of it and I can finally settle down and really start to enjoy this pregnancy.

However, the by product of feeling better is that my appetite seems to have trebled!! For the last two days I have been eating for England and the funny thing is the only sort of food that calms my stomach is Nigerian food and I don’t mean rice and stuff like that. I am talking heavy ‘swallow’ dishes here. For instance, last night I had a bowlful of eba with a wicked Oha soup (or Ora soup, not sure how its spelt but it’s an Igbo/Ibo soup) I had cooked and then two hours later (at 9 pm!!) I was having another round! And when I am not eating a main meal, you’ll catch me snacking on celmentines, digestive biscuits, rice cakes or sucking furiously on a polo mint. At this rate I will balloon out of all proportion if I carry on like this. My salivary glands have also kicked into overdrive – but I think that’s a bit too much information, don’t you?

Moving on…

I was thinking the other day, as you do, that had I come to the UK as a single woman, just how easy would it have been for me to meet ‘somebody nice’ .. in other words a potential husband?

For a start I don’t do pubs, clubs or bars (popular places, apparently, for meeting members of the opposite sex). The office would also have been out of the question seeing as the men I have had to work with in the past have all been prats. Sorry. Church may have been an option but then again, not. So where would I have met someone?

And so I wonder about the single (Naija) women living in the UK. Where/how do they meet potential life partners? For instance, all my married friends (myself included) all met our husbands at University back home – which I believe is where most future couples meet. But many of the single women I know living here have either a) gone back to Nigeria to look for a husband/partner or b) are finding it really hard to find someone to settle down with.

From what they (my single friends) tell me good Nigerian men are in short supply – the operative word being ‘good’. If I am to believe what they say, most of our Naija men here know they are in ‘demand’ and so milk the situation for all it’s worth – in other words meet girl, start relationship, end relationship and move on to the next. Apologies to the sincere ones out there, I am only going on what I’ve been told.

I have also been made to understand that modern relationships i.e. 21st century relationships are a whole different ball game these days. Like many of my friends, we married (almost) solely for love – I remember I used to say to people that even if my husband had lived under a bridge I would still have married him. Aww. I am not saying that everything else was disregarded – a future, education, upbringing, beliefs etc – it’s just that they didn’t play that big a role when I made my choice.

However, it seems that these days things are very different. My young single university/just out of university female friends all say that they don’t hesitate to ask a potential suitor about his plans for the future – career or business wise, dreams and ambitions and most importantly, are they going in the same direction as them? Are you going to be able to provide for me? If not, it’s goodbye Jack! I guess it must be scary for a guy being asked on a second date for his Five Year Plan – but then a girl has gotta look out for number one I suppose. I also understand that dating has changed as well. Where in my day the man footed the bill each time we went out on a date, now couples tend to go Dutch. Now, I don’t know if it’s influence of being in Jand or the lack of wonga on the side of the men.


I have been bitten by the reading bug again – but I am not complaining. Reading is good for the soul, me thinks. I just finished Waiting for an Angel by Helon Habila. A very good book – it stirred up in me so many emotions and though I was still living in Nigeria during the period/s that the book was set, I was amazed to realise just how much had passed me by. I sort of operated in a little sheltered cocoon back then so the deaths of people like MKO, Ken Saro-Wiwa and Dele Giwa where nothing more than bold headlines with I read with removed emotion. Selfish youth perhaps? What I do remember though is when Abacha died. I was working in Abuja then and it was as if a heavy oppressive blanket had been lifted. The air was suddenly lighter and the mood of the people around magically became jolly and relaxed. I also remember being warned on my first day at work to be careful who I spoke to and what I spoke of because one never knew if the person you were speaking to was an agent of the government. Scary when I think of it now.

I am on a quest of discovering some good books by Nigerian authors so if you have any suggestions please let me know. Thanks to UKnaija for the link. Most helpful.

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Blogger Everchange said...

Waiting for an angel is such a lovely book.

"Good Nigerian men" are definitely in short supply abroad, which is why I say, broaden your dating pool! Either that or compete with ten other girls for the one guy who's nice, responsible and REALLY christian....No thank you!

7:18 pm  
Blogger adefunke said...

I agree with everchange, why must you kill yourself looking for a Nigerian man? Abegi broaden your dating pool!

2:32 am  
Anonymous angie said...

i think even in naija, the ladies will still say the same thing "Good Naija guys are in SHORT supply". i hink its a general thing, not just abroad.

9:57 am  
Blogger TP said...

Sounds like you are enjoying your pregnancy now. Abeg enjoy yourself and eat for two. LOL! It sounds like your baby will enjoy Nigerian food if you go on like this :-)

I came to this country as a single girl, met a guy here, and got married here (I have a blog about my journey). It's a scary world out there, but we have to keep our eyes open. There is hope!

12:05 am  
Blogger lolaojiks said...

You make pregnancy sound interesting which is cool....

On being single, everyone complains - those in Naija, those in the US and those here in the UK

So are the guys really in short supply or are the ladies just to choosy?

1:19 am  
Anonymous songreach said...

PTS, glad you getting yr groove on..if it is any consolation, remember you are eating for 2.

on being a single naija, check out this:

and his most recent post (Nov 21) it is funny, sad, and thot provoking.

5:53 am  
Blogger Funmi said...

There is definately a short supply of 'good men and women'. Like TP i came to the UK single and met the love of my life here (had my own share of bad relationships) but i still found my man (at a church bbq). There is definately hope

6:30 pm  
Blogger DiAmOnD hawk said...

it seems the guys are in short supply everywhere...the thing is we're not meant to date everyone...but we end up doing that...but if we just patient...the right one will come along in any country.

congratulations on your pregnancy...any weird cravings

10:29 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for your comment on my post. we are always very interested to meet and speak to people that are dealing with the same issues. Please advise how we can make contact.

Great blog by the way and thanks for adding me to your list.

12:54 pm  
Blogger Adejoké said...

hi- thanks for such a great blog. I stumbled across it by mistake and have now found myself reading and re-reading your posts! :-) Whenever you get the chance check out It's a lifestyle magazine for young african women around the world and deals, each month, with many of the issues you address in your blog. cheers and happy new year, Joke.

7:18 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like your story.
But you'd better take a look here to find a really DIFFERENT dating site.
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2:35 pm  

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