Wednesday, January 10, 2007

What's the Point?

This is a bit of a difficult post to write because my thoughts and feelings are all over the place at the moment. So forgive me if it reads a bit incoherent.

On the 27th of December I was chatting on the phone with a friend of many years who had come over to the UK late last year to do a Masters Degree, about life, future plans and the holiday season. Y’know, general stuff.

Then yesterday I got a call from another mutual friend informing me that she had died.

Just. Like. That.

Apparently she had complained of having chest and stomach pains, a few hours later she was dead. It happened on New Years day.

She is being buried on Saturday morning.

I just can’t get my head around it.

I can’t cry, the tears don’t come. I can’t think because I don’t understand. The question that plagues me is So What’s The Point??

What’s the point of all the struggle? We struggle to get through kindergarten, primary and secondary school. Then we struggle through University. Then we struggle to get a good job. We struggle to get a promotion and when that doesn’t come we struggle to save up money so we can do a Masters preferably abroad. We struggle to get a partner. We struggle to make ends meet, start a business, make our marriages/ relationships work, raise a family, become a success. From the day we are born life seems to be one long struggle. It may not always appear that way but my cynical mind says we do. And at the end of it? Well, we die.

I know that this is perhaps a very bleak way to look at life but that’s the place I find myself right now.

My friend was full of life, full of plans, full of strategies for the future. Asking her if she intended to settle down over here after she finishes her Masters ‘Abeg no-oh’ she replied emphatically ‘Naija is too sweet. I’ll be going back O!’

I keep seeing pictures of her flashing through my head – her skinny legs sticking out from beneath her school uniform skirt, making noise at the back of the classroom during lessons, growing up, going into University. So many pictures. But the worst thing is I keep playing the last conversation we had over the phone in my head over and over again. I can’t believe it was barely two weeks ago.

Life can sometimes be so crap. What the heck is the point of it all??

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27 Comments:

Blogger Frances Uku said...

i'm very sorry for your loss. your frustrations are all completely valid and life really can seem pointless sometimes. your friend sounds like she got the picture though - she went after the things she wanted in life and was dearly loved by friends and family. that's my idea of a successful life. not everyone can have that said of them after they're gone. pele ehn...

5:00 pm  
Blogger Fred said...

Ah yes, PTS, you and I are now at that point in life when such things as death start to make themselves known. Before now, it's been "gravy" as the American say: life has so far been (just) a series of struggles as you so eloquently put it.

Now, the reason for all those struggles start becoming apparent: they're to steel you for the hard times ahead as friends and family start to depart their mortal coils and our own mortality looms up and menacing.

In July, last year, my mom died. I'm still not quite sure how or why, and I'm still trying to get to grips with it. I don't know if I've changed because of it, I just don't know. Perhaps on my death bed, I'll finally understand.

Stay strong, for just as death takes away, life (in your tummy) continues. It's a cycle, we know not why, really, all we see are its effects. Hopefully, one's hope and belief in God helps smooth the inevitable transitions.

My condolences. And please, don't let "Death" be a category/label you post to ...

6:44 pm  
Blogger Hoping said...

I am so sorry for your loss. When a friend of mine passed I had the same thoughts. Life can be so unfair but we always come away with a different point of view and it is that that makes our life unique and worth it.

7:34 pm  
Anonymous Araceli said...

sudden death: a stark reminder that it can happen anytime?

What you are feeling right now is understandable. I would ask the same questions...

7:53 pm  
Blogger Jola Naibi said...

I am so sorry for your loss...I too lost two classmates to tragic circumstances over the holidays and although I was not particularly close to either of them...it was hit me where it hurts bad. I remember the words of Gandalf the character played by Ian McKellen during a powerful scene from the Lord of the Rings - the fellowship of the Rings which responds to the question - What's the point?

...it is not for us to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time given to us

Your friend sounds like she lived her life to the fullest and made the best of the time given to her...may her soul continue to rest in peace and may you find strength within you to bear your loss

8:30 pm  
Blogger 9ja Opeke said...

"God, receive her soul and comfort the family she has left behind..."
And also pray that God gives you the heart to bear this lost...just try to stay strong and remember you baby needs you to be happy this period...

8:34 pm  
Anonymous Lovelyflower said...

Sorry. What can I say? I know exactly how you feel because I lost a friend in the summer last year; she was lively, she was ambitious, she was optimistic, best of all she was a peace loving fun bubbly kind of gal. It took some time for me to come to terms with the whole thingey. But guess what? Time is a good healer, if you let it.

The Bible says to live each day like it's your last... What would matter MOST if tomorrow you were no more ( Not directed to PTS alone, but to all of us reading this)

Pls Cheer up PTS, don't be too sad. My mum says babies in the womb get vibes from their mums. If you are happy, baby's happy and otherwise. God dey. Big Hug!!

9:56 am  
Anonymous ekoya said...

Valid questions and I can reflect on them as I've just embarked on similar steps like your friend did.

"What's the point?"

I would rather ask: "Why not?".

Since we do not know what life holds for tomorrow and whether we'll even be here tomorrow, I think like your friend did, the best we owe ourselves is to live the things we want today hoping tomorrow will be ours. And if perchance tomorrow never becomes ours, we would at least die doing what we dreamed.

The alternative would be to do nothing, afraid of "struggling" because it may not be worth our while and then tomorrow comes, and we would have done nothing. That would be emptiness.

'Don't know if that makes sense but just my thoughts. Take heart.

10:02 am  
Blogger Toks- Boy said...

Very sorry to hear about your loss. Even more tragic that it happened on New year's day. In answer to your question - the point is to do the best we can, while we can. Nobody knows tomorrow. Or even the next 5 minutes.

10:32 am  
Blogger 36 INCHES OF BROWN LEGS said...

sorry to hear abou tur loss.

i found myself in this same situation a few months back when i lost a friend, its hard, but its reality, we all need to learn that life is short.

12:57 pm  
Blogger My Talking Beginnings said...

PTS i am so sorry for the loss! I understand how you feel. this is why one of my resolutions this year is to live!

2:32 pm  
Blogger Dimples said...

May her soul rest in perfect peace...only God knows why it happened.

2:42 pm  
Blogger Uzo said...

Wow. I have had many of these "What's the point" days. I am not sure if i get answers but the feeling lifts and i go back to living.Who knew that the Lord of the Rings would have such powerful words as those spoken by Gandalf but those words ring so true. I am so sorry for your loss and i know that in time, the pain will fade away.

3:41 pm  
Blogger Noni Moss said...

My condolences for your loss. Take comfort in the fact that you reconnected with her before she died and you were able to build pleasant memories to tide you. Take pleasure in your life and enjoy it to the fullest.

6:13 pm  
Blogger Funmi said...

I am so sorry for your loss. May her soul rest in peace.

7:18 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm sorry for your loss.Life does seem like crap at times.
I view death as a wake up call for those of us still living to realise that this earthly existence is transient and we should always view life as a journey with eternity in life. Live it well,love your neighbor,love your God because no day is promised. I'm sending a hug,prayers and good thoughts your way. God bless

9:39 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

sorry i meant with eternity in mind

9:43 pm  
Blogger karrie said...

Like everyone else had said, I am so sorry for your loss. It's an awful shock. Perhaps the point is only that you touched her life and she touched yours. Wishing you so much strength and light right now.

2:03 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I knew her. I was not a personal friend, rather a friend of the family.

When I heard the news it was hard for it to sink in. How does someone so young die in a matter of hours? How does it happen? The only bearable part is that she was not alone.

The news really shook me. It was all I thought about for days. How does a young person die in a matter of hours? And being away from home too ...

I often think of her parents. How sad for them to bury a child. The family will never be the same. How can it? The family is like a clan. And now 2 members are gone.

You wish you could turn back the clock. But you can't. I share your grief. And yet ... I know that the grief I feel is nothing compared to what the family is feeling.

What a loss. My condolences to you

5:31 am  
Blogger Nyemoni said...

So so sorry about your loss... I know you've heard it like a hundred times already, but God gives, and He takes.. I pray that God grants you and the loved ones of the departed the fortitude to bear the loss.

May the soul of the departed rest in peace. God bless.

10:36 am  
Blogger TaureanMinx said...

Our only consolation is that she is in a better place. May she rest in peace. Amen.

10:55 am  
Blogger Naijadude said...

The only thing we can say is she's in a better place, thats the only and best consolation ever! I recently lost my 14 years old cousin as well.

What can you do? Aboslutely nothing! Just pray for their soul.

2:08 pm  
Blogger Buki said...

*sigh*... read your blog regularly, post occassionally maintaining my anonymity... can't do that today, more like I won't do that today. I just read your 'what's the point' post, and I feel you so much... In fact I recently put a post up on my blog and it was labelled death and dying... nothing had happened to me, and I had not lost someone recently( but I have lost a close friend,(we wore the same thing on her 10th birthday)this happenend a few years ago, and I can never forget the pain I felt inside) still miss her sooo much:(... Anyways.... I go back to my post again after reading yours and it seems a bit unserious to me, it feels like I am taking the issue for granted, i feel this way cause I am reading about your loss, but the fact is it isnt my intention... Bottom line, i don't think anything can prepare us for the finality and inevitability of death... but we should remain strong and live every day like it was the last, be good to people, constantly let our loved ones know that we truly love them and all...once again live everyday like it was the last. *sigh*
May God grant her family the fortitude to bear her loss. Amen

PS: Sorry for the long comment....

1:59 pm  
Blogger Gbemi's Piece said...

How sad. There is a point to it all, we just don't know what it is yet. My condolences.

5:06 pm  
Blogger LondonBuki said...

I am so sorry for your loss... may her soul rest in perfect peace.

I have so so many questions for God and I would like a few days to spend with Him so he'll explain.

May God be your, and her other loved ones', comforter during these difficutl times

1:46 pm  
Blogger Onada said...

im so sorry to hear about your friend PTS. i lost a friend as well on New years eve. i dont know if i've truly accepted it....i still look at the pictures we took 2 days before and think she's alive.......i guess we cant question God but instead focus on celebrating the life they lived and be happy that we got to know them.

1:14 am  
Anonymous Liam Vaughan said...

Compare human life to a plants, their objective is to reproduce and grow... so is ours, there is no point in life other than to populate. s*** deal eh? tell me about it.
sorry to hear about your friends death.

6:58 pm  

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