Thursday, August 17, 2006

Climbing over the Wall of Silence

There has been a stony wall of silence between hubby and me for the past week or more. Apart from the cursory ‘Good Morning’ not much else in terms of words has passed between us. It’s been one of those situations where, and I am sure many of you have gone through it (even for those who are not married) – one thing is said and then the other replies and then something else is said and suddenly it all gets out of control.

When stuff like this happens I ask myself why we let things get to the stage where the only ‘solution’ is to lapse into giving each other the silent treatment. I have always wished I was a better (verbal) communicator. I have no problem putting things down on paper but that’s not the greatest approach to adopt in a close relationship. I see it becoming a bit of an issue if the only way you communicated with your partner was to write to them.

The thing with me however, is that instead of bringing issues to the table as soon as they happen, I let them fester and rot until the fetid fumes cannot be contained any longer and the can of worms finally explode. And in typical female fashion, years of long forgotten grievances spew out and get dragged into the present day vent. This mostly makes for a very ugly scene. And for some reason, it is so much more difficult sharing hurt feelings with those that are close to us. We would rather blog about it for strangers the world over to read, than sit down and have a heart to heart with our nearest and dearest. Is it because by sharing our deepest feelings and fears with those we love, we leave ourselves open and emotionally vulnerable – a fear that what we have shared will be somehow ‘used’ against us in the future perhaps?

But I have missed my husband this last week. I have missed our daily discourse and although we talk about mostly mundane things – what’s for lunch, have you paid the phone bill yet, we need to go grocery shopping tomorrow, my sunflowers have refused to bloom and that type of thing – there is something warm and comforting in our mundane conversation. I don’t feel pressured to sound intelligent or to complete my sentences because he knows just what I mean. Even the silences are warm because you know at anytime you can reach out with a word and the other will be there to answer. Its no wonder the saying ‘the silence will drive you mad’. It’s true.

The good news though is that we have made up now *coy smile* and climbed over the wall of silence to reach out to each other. All is warm and fuzzy again.



Blogger LondonBuki said...

Awwww... :-)

12:20 am  
Blogger DiAmOnD hawk said...

and you know it takes more of an effort to give the silent treatment and at the end of the day it's like why bother...the energy is glad you guys made up

2:58 pm  
Blogger Pilgrimage to Self said...

@Buki; ;-)

@DH: You're so right - it really is draining and so not worth it at the end of the day.

5:57 pm  
Blogger Adunni said...

I absolutely HATE the silent treatment. I can't stand it and i rarely give it unless i've had it up to here .. (me making slashing motions above my head). I kinda have the same problem u have. I find it so easy to write down exactly how im feeling but to actually say it out.. i start stuttering and hemming ... and finally i go totally blank like im totally brainless.
Nice you made up with you boo though

6:32 pm  
Blogger Onada said...

i'm glad you guys made up! People not in marriages always think marriage is easy - learning a lot from you girl!

2:30 pm  
Blogger Araceli Aipoh said...

I had to know how it ended. Happy to know you made up.

My husband does not play the "silent treatment" thing. And I am sometimes upset with that because I want to play the game.

2:17 pm  

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