Thursday, April 13, 2006

A State of Graze

I’ve started grazing again. I tend to do this when I am unsettled and not in sync with life. I graze in various aspects in my life. I graze food – eating unhealthily, having too much sugar, eating too late and so forth. I graze books – flirting from one book to another, reading a page here, a page there, but never completing any, moving from one book to the next. I graze the internet – not looking for anything in particular but still remaining glued to my PC. I graze my daily routine – jumping from one task to another mindlessly, engaging in something only to drop it twenty minutes later, and generally just unravelling.

When I am in my grazing state it’s a sign that I am dissatisfied and deeply unfulfilled by the status quo. It’s a subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) sign that it’s time for me to move onto another level. I have lots of talents which I am letting go to waste and it’s such a shame. I am in a job that although I do it well and it is relatively stress free, plays no part in getting me to where I want to be, it is not a springboard to any greater achievement. I would much rather be doing something more creative – writing, sewing, drawing, making jewellery, scrapbooking, journaling. These are things which make me come alive. At this point in life I am thinking more pleasure than money. If money becomes a by product of putting my talents to work then all the better. Isn’t that what we all want? Doing something that gives us great pleasure yet managing to make a good living out of it?

Am hoping my grazing mood lifts soon and I am able to focus once again and start moving in the direction I need to be going.

By the way, any more takers for the project I proposed below? C’mon people, let your hair down and have some fun!


Blogger Jeri said...

Grazing. I love the term. I think I know just what you mean. I usually think of it as "searching". I never know what I'm searching for, just that I don't have it. In my case, I don't get anything else done except the search. I have gotten in the habit of making a "to do" list for myself everyday. I put the things I need to do and can easily keep putting off, like do the laundy, pay the bills, water my poor plants. Then when I started the 101 project I started adding something from the task list on my to do list also. It doesn't always work perfectly, but it helps keep me moving forward even in search mode. Hang in there.

By the way, I did a similar Letter to My Younger Self project a few years ago. The one I did suggested you imagine yourself 20, 30, 40 years from now, living the life that you dream of. What advise would you give yourself now? It was an enlightening project. Good luck with yours.

1:41 am  

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