Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Stepping back

‘Are you alright? You’re acting very strange.’ My concerned husband asks. I smile half heartedly and mumble that I am okay. It’s obvious that I am lying but he realises that I am not about to or willing to talk about it just yet so he backs off.

But he is very right though. This week has been a strange one for me and I guess it’s manifesting itself in the form of moodiness, exhaustion even after a full night’s sleep, lack of motivation, lack of humour, a short fuse and fretting about things that are for now anyway, only imaginary. And I forget things! I walk into a room knowing that I came in specifically to get something and then it completely goes out of my head. And I am standing there mentally trying to retrace my steps in the hopes that it’ll come back to me. Okay, maybe that’s just down to age.

Seriously though, it’s like I am flailing around in some thick gloop at the moment – everything is in slow motion. I’m feeling a bit removed from reality and life seems just a bit out of my control. The feeling has been on and off for a few weeks now, but it seems more on than off at the moment.

I think I am going to step back for a while and just ‘let go’ and not worry so much. Easier said than done though.


Blogger Stephen Bess said...

I know. It's not always easy to just step back and trust that things will work themselves out. I get that way sometime. It's not very often, but I've been there. I pray for strength and peace of mind. Take care.

7:59 pm  
Blogger Pilgrimage to Self said...

Thanks Stephen. I think I'll adopt your strategy - pray for strenght.

8:55 pm  
Blogger R said...

I'm good a that too, by the way. There are times when I see myself putting one foot in front of the other, see myself drifting along, but feel numb and uninvolved at the same time.

The strength I pray for you is the strength to let go and allow yourself to be, for just a while.

12:46 pm  
Blogger Pilgrimage to Self said...

Thanks you Rombo. You got it spot on.

2:01 pm  
Blogger Onada said...

Please cheer up oh! i totally feel you on the moodiness bit and lack of motivation or humor - i'll feel like "whats the point of even trying to feel better" but look on the bright. you got a hubby who loves you and it's almost summer. :) If anything i think this weather has a huge impact on people especially me!

So like you said step back and let go! if you are feeling really down read some anonymous scandalous blogs LOL they should cheer you up.

3:37 pm  
Blogger :her soledad: said...

"Easier said than done" is right.

Take a deep breath (this situation may require several, several times a day) and relax. But figure out what the deal is too, so you can take care of it.

6:44 am  

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