Monday, February 20, 2006

Catching your Attention

...(Or the cry of our mate)

What happens to a man and a woman when they get married? It's like with the exchange of gold bands, all sense of respect and politeness goes out of the window. We burp, fart and pick our noses in front of each other indiscriminately and if you shoot across an evil enough look you might get a mumbled apology. Most of the time however, you are more likely to get an 'ah-ha, are you not my wife/husband? If I can't burp/fart/pick in front of you then who will I do it in front of now?'

And to that here is what I say my dear.

No, I don't want to see you do that stuff in front of me. I know its human nature but I want it to remain a mystery. I don't want to see you taking a crap. I know you do, I just don't want to see it, hear it or smell it.
I want you to say thank you when I give something to you or do something for you. You always have a smile and a thank you for others, why can't you have the same for me?
I still want to get a card- just like that- for no reason except that you were thinking of me today.
I still want to hear you say you love me and no, a 'but you know now' is not enough. I still want to go out and kiss in public, hold hands in public, be given attention in public. I don't want to assume you love me. I want to see, feel, hear that you still love me, even after all these years.
I want intimacy all through the day and not only between the sheets when the lights are out.
I want to be wined and dined and looked at like I am the only person in the room.
I want our conversations to be about us, and not about work or the baby or other people.
I want you to ask me how I am, what I'm feeling. I can't remember the last time you asked after my wellbeing.
I want you to make the bed, bath the child, cook a meal sometimes even when I don't ask.
I want you to give me more of you time. Sometimes I feel I am in competition with your job, your PC, your family, your friends, your hobbies, your iPod. Hello, I feel like screaming sometimes, I am here. I am the one you chose over all others, for better for worse! I haven't changed I have only become a mum, a dad, a parent. But I still have feelings, I am still the woman/man you met 5,10,15 years ago. Hello!
I want you to say what a good job I am doing making a home or raising our child and not be criticized for using that tone of voice when you know I have had a difficult day and I am totally crabby at 10 O'clock at night.
I want to be surprised by you. I want you to do something totally crazy and out of character, just like you used to before you married me. I want you to show up with a huge bunch of flowers, or greet me in your negligee.
I want to know that I am significant to you. I once was, wasn't I?
Say good morning to me when we wake up in the morning. You say good morning to hundreds of strangers you come across every day.
Ask me about my day when you come home.
Switch off the TV and watch me instead.
I want to be listened to, not half listened to. Or worse be given unsolicited advice or be told off for saying what I said when all I wanted to do was just talk and talk and talk. Just to get stuff off my chest.
I want to cry on your shoulder, in the open, not run into the loo for a quick brawl and come out smiling, like I am not breaking up inside.
I want you to stand by me, even though I have lost my job. Make me feel like I am still the provider, your rock, your husband!
I want to be loved, praised, complimented, noticed, significant.
I am your wife. I am your husband.
I guess all I want is your attention.


Anonymous Tokunbo said...

Love it. I wish I had seen/read that before the gradual disintegration of my 20 year relationship went into the crapper. You weren't the fly I kept spying on the walls of my home, were you? It's amazing the changes that ensue after the "I do"s. I have tried, oh so hard, to identify the point at which my marriage slipped over the "taken for granted" marker without awareness on my part. Oh! how this piece resonates with me at the present time and space. Thanks - I have a printout pasted above my workspace to remind me. Make you stand fast o!

11:08 am  
Blogger Pilgrimage to Self said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

11:34 am  
Blogger Pilgrimage to Self said...

My sista, I feel you. It's amazing how we just let things slip. Communication and TIME is so the key.

11:36 am  
Anonymous Ms Cooks said...

This piece is great, have pasted it on my website - hope you don't mind!

5:01 pm  
Blogger Pilgrimage to Self said...

@ Ms cooks: no worries. I am flattered.

8:20 pm  
Blogger Biodun said...

Hi, Could you please email me?
I need to ask you a question.

11:51 pm  

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